Monday, October 26, 2009

Love...or something like it.

Hello all.
It's my lazy ass getting up in the pm again. hahah.
Well shit,when I don't have school or anything else to do.I sleep in.What can I say?
hehehe.
That and I had some amazing sex last night that made me ass out..ha.
Allow me to gloat for a moment.

The man I am with is amazing in bed.Like,I've only been with a handful of guys and he takes the cake.He gives oral pleasure better than a women.Trust me I know.haha.I've been with my fair share of them..hehe.But,let me tell ya. I don't know where the hell he learned how to eat pussy..GOOD GOD! *shivers* The man deserves a fucking award for his skills.
I've never been with someone that gets me off like he does.
It's magical.

I adore this man for so many other reasons as well.
He is thoughtful,kind,chubby(hehe),tattooed,intelligent,an artist,gorgeous!
He is my perfect man. He takes care of me and supports me in whatever I want to do.
He laughs at my lame jokes and we watch the best/worst b movies together all cuddled up in the bed.
It's love.

I cook for him and no matter how bad it is he eats it.

Love is a funny thing to me.I feel many people think they are in love but mistake it for another emotion.Like being lonely.
When I feel in love with the guy I'm with..To be honest,I was with another guy..My,what I thought was best friend.We had been together nearly 7 years.Our relationship worked because we were so open with each other.My feelings for him were strong and rare.But,they weren't the feelings I had/have for the man I am with now. The moment I felt something between this other guy and I.I let it be known.The moment.I didn't once try to hind this.I was feeling something and I wanted to be honest with everyone involved.I had never felt something so strong.There I was in a what I thought a strong relationship..and now I'm connecting with someone else,who I just met...It was crazy for me.The most insane time of my life.

So, it really made me think about love.
I had so many questions about it.
How do you know you're in love?
How long does it last? How do you even make it last?
Ya know,do you and the other person need to share things in common??
Share friends?

Everything went through my mind about it at that time.
Probably,because not only was I going through this hard time.Which eventually turned into a break up.It was a time when my whole world flipped.
Everyone I knew in the 7+ years of being with one man.Were more or less siding with him.
For lack of a better word. All our friends became just his.
All because I didn't want to be his girlfriend anymore.I say that because we dated for 7 years but before were just friends for years.He was married to someone else.Ya know.
We were so just friends. When we got together romantically ...it was so just going with the flow.
Things happened on top of other things that landed us in each others lives for awhile.For me,I was never in love with him.Yes,I loved him.But it wasn't the kind of love I needed.
To the outside world our relationship was perfect.That's why it was such a big shock when everyone found out we had split.
I was the bad guy though.People change and break-up all the time.But,it happened to me and everyone turned on me.
They would say they still liked me..They would do they whole myspace me comments and shit like that.But,not a one of them called me or anything.Going from seeing you daily in person...to not even a real life phone call,sucks.Anyone in my position would have felt the same way.
Hurt.Confused.Angry.
Ya know,some of them I wasn't surprised.They went with whomever and whatever the others went with.
But, some.Who were close with me.I let in my home and family.It hurt.I never knew why they did that.I knew I may have hurt their pal...but was I not something to them?
Was I not a friend? Had they been lying to me for years about being best friends?
It was taking over my life.Thinking about these people.

Until one day I woke up and was like fuck it.If I really never meant anything to them and they were putting up a front.I want nothing to do with people like that.So it was easy for me to say fuck them.I said my last words to them all and haven't looked back.

Here it is almost 2 years later and I am happier than I have ever been before.
I rather have 1 or 2 true friends than 100 fake ones.
I rather have 1 true love of my life than 100 maybes.
I'd give up everything for the life I have now.
I leave you with photos of me and my beau.
xoxo

3 comments:

greatshaitan said...

You're very lucky...some people look their whole lives and never find something so pure. I know I never have...or maybe I have and lost it a long time ago.

Either way you can only take life by the horns and ride it for all it's worth. It's awesome to me that you have recognized this.

Faye Daniels said...

omg I absolutely adore this post - so so so happy that you've found each other

Synful Dame said...

Thank you both very much for your comments.

xoxo